Live Reading: "Not Another Math Lesson"
My first-ever live essay reading (!!!)
“They helped shape who I ended up becoming.”
Recently, I did my first live essay reading at the Scatter Joy Project’s first-ever Studio Stories event. This was an opportunity for us to hear from different artists and storytellers, including myself, hip-hop artist Taelor Gray, and spoken word poet Donovan Beck. We explored the meaning behind our work and our journeys with mental health.
I went back and forth on what to read and ultimately decided on this essay. It felt like the right thing to share when I thought about the cause bringing us together. The Scatter Joy Project is a mental health company focused on fighting the negative stigma that accompanies mental health struggles, bringing people together in culturally relevant and creative ways, and making mental health accessible and affordable.
”Not Another Math Lesson” is about my grandfather and what he’s taught me about balance. I chose to read this essay because it’s also about learning to protect my time and energy, especially as capitalism burns us out and pushes us to live exhausted lives. It’s about the people who witness our being and becoming, whether that’s family, friends, or even a mental health professional.
Photo by Julien Turner
Looking out at so many of the people who carry me daily, I introduced the essay by telling them about my grandparents:
My grandma and I have been texting more regularly, especially over the past couple of years. My grandparents are getting up there in age. My grandpa is 92 years old, and my grandma is about to hit 90.
In the time that we have, I want to be able to make the most of it. We don’t live near each other, so we don’t get to see each other as often. But being able to still communicate with them means a lot.
Both of my grandparents are from Jamaica, so they’re on WhatsApp, of course. And my grandma is a big Boston Celtics fan, so this is an important time for her. It’s been fun getting to chat back and forth with her. And an extension of that is my grandpa.
As he’s gotten older, it’s been hard for him to hear at times. He’s always been a soft-spoken person. But through it all, he’s been someone I admire; he’s always been consistent and resolute.
This piece that I’m going to share tonight is called “Not Another Math Lesson,” and it’s really going back to some of the experiences that I would have with my grandparents as kid when I would go to their house for basketball camp.
We have these funny memories that we look back on. But there were so many moments in the in-between that I picked up, and they helped shape who I ended up becoming.
I write a newsletter called Feels Like Home, and so much of my writing is about the things that I love and the people and moments that have shaped me.
Tonight, as we talk about the different things that come into our lives, we acknowledge how they shape the way we think about our own feelings. That’s something that I wanted to be able to hold space for and give life to.
And with this piece, hopefully y’all can feel that.
I almost didn’t write “Not Another Math Lesson,” but I’m so glad I did—not only because of what it meant to my grandparents and other family members when they first read it, but also because I can’t think of a better essay that I could’ve shared as part of my first-ever live reading.
My grandparents helped make me who I am and continue to inspire who I’m becoming. Thank you to the Scatter Joy Project (particularly Zachariah Thompson) for having me. It was a gift to invite my people into this space and witness how they showed up for me. It truly felt like home.
