I'm Tired of the "Slams Laptop Shut Til Monday" Posts
*slams laptop shut til stfu*
Part of me hates I’m devoting an essay to this. But the hater in me won’t rest until my resentment is so unavoidable that you can’t see these on your feed without my words ringing in your head. I’m talking about the “slams laptop shut til Monday” memes. More specifically the Sunday Scaries brand of this meme, most popular on Instagram, usually in the form of a carousel post that features different pictures and videos of (mostly white) celebrities doing expensive things. On top of these images, there’s always text in an italicized, Instagram Stories serif font stating the popular phrase: *slams laptop shut til Monday* — unless it’s a holiday weekend, which in that case, it changes to Tuesday.
I don’t remember when I started seeing these posts. Likely sometime in the last year. Like most content, I’m sure I subconsciously ignored them at first. But then I started seeing friends post different variations of the meme each week—to the point I began wondering if they got a job at Washed Media, Sunday Scaries’ parent brand. After a while, I started seeing reposts from friends and acquaintances alike. The more I saw, the more annoyed I got.
The “slams laptop” memes feel like those chain texts or Facebook posts that encourage you to share them for good luck or to avoid being haunted—except there’s no reward for passing them along. Just a 24-hour reminder that you completed your 9-5 job for the week. And yes, this isn’t promised. And yes, it can be celebrated. But this weekly achievement is being acknowledged through glamorized images of people who don’t have to work corporate jobs to survive. Their laptop can stay shut; I still have to open mine.
It’s like, on “BREAK MY SOUL,” when Beyoncé sings about quitting her job. Beyoncé is well on her way to becoming a billionaire, and her husband is already one. It’s hard for “release ya job” to feel liberating when the messenger is so far removed from your reality. Sunday Scaries feeds off our conditioning toward celebrity worship to build its brand. In no way is this unique, and sure I’m selective about which expressions of this I choose to hate—and I know it’s not fair, but fuck these memes. Disrespectfully.
If I may continue to expand on my hatred, the “slams laptop” memes aren’t clever. They’re not interesting. They feel like Friends. Or “adulting.” Or Buzzfeed quizzes. Things you do because everybody else does them, but they repeat the same pattern of nothingness. It all feels very millennial. Like “live, laugh, love” signs for people that have read all the Harry Potter books. They’re plain. Bland. As if Emily Mariko’s wedding cake had an Instagram account.
Each swipe is the same thing. The same phrase. The same faded filter. Vignettes of drinking, fine dining, partying, and lounging. Over and over again.
*slams laptop shut til Monday* Gwyneth Paltrow eats pasta.
*slams laptop shut til Monday* Aperol spritz cheers.
*slams laptop shut til Monday* Italian countryside I’ll never afford to visit.
It’s lazy and formulaic for the sake of shareability. People know what to expect. And they wait for it. They’re mad if the memes are posted too early on Friday—if their laptop is still open when prompted to slam it shut. This is their ritual. Their reason for making it to the end of the week.
Work. Pay bills. Repost Sunday Scaries memes. We’re really just going to keep doing this, huh? I’m happy the week is over too. But this? This is the sword we’re falling on? We’re all just going to be NPCs? “Gang gang, slam laptop so good.”
I know, I know… “Let people enjoy things.” And I will. But I’m not letting you enjoy the “slams laptop shut til Monday” posts without telling you how much I hate them. If we’re friends and you repost them, I still love you. But I want to free you. I want to gently close our laptops and touch grass together. Maybe have a smile. Because I know you’ve never done that while sharing these memes to your story.
It’s okay. We can find joy amidst life’s horrors together. At least til Monday.
